Thinking Space

I have learned a lot over the past four years at my high school, and I am very happy about the experiances I have had. I was privilaged to have some of the best teachers I could have ever asked for, and now it seems like they are all leaving. I am constantly worried that the place I once considered a great school dedicated to project based learning, engineering, and mathmatics, will completely change. That the school that once had the highest test scores in three counties, will slowly fall to it’s own demise. I hope that this isn’t going to be the case, but I believe that my high school only has the teachers to thank for the tremendous amount of success it has had over the past years. I think that being a teacher at Tech, is a completely different experiance than teaching at any other school. I think that a teacher should have to want to work at my school, or else they are going to hate it. I don’t think it’s fair that teachers that want to stay at Tech, are being kicked out by teachers who just need jobs and don’t even care where. I hope that the school thrives through the tough times ahead, and that it remains a highly successful school. I wish all the teachers who are moving on, the best of luck in their futrure careers. And, I would also like to thank all of them for their time and dedication at our school, in order for it to be as great as it is today.

As I was watching the movie He’s Just Not That Into You the other day, I was so offeneded by the portrayal of women that I quickly had to turn it off. All of the girls in this movie were so desperate to get married, that they didn’t even care who it was to. One of the girls goes on a first date with a guy and is already talking about how he could be the one , and is convinced that she must casually “run into” him at a bar so that she doesn’t lose the possible love of her life. I became so infuriated by the idea that women feel like they have to get married by a ceritan age because it is the thing to do, that I had to turn off my TV in fear that I was going to punch a whole right through the screen. People need to realize that they don’t need someone there to depend on all the time. They need to realize that it is ok to be alone and work through problems on their own. All the time I see girls my age doing whatever their boyfriends tell them, because they are afraid that they will leave them if they don’t do it. Of course as a teenage girl myself, I am guilty of occasionally giving rides to people who might be using me, but I draw a line. I am willing to give people rides places because I will do almost anything to get out of my house, even if that means driving all the way to Santa Rosa to go pick somebody up. But, I will not continuously lend money to people that constantly call me a bitch in front of their friends becuase they think it makes them look cool. I see this kind of behavior on a daily basis at my high school, and it makes me sick. I am always trying to tell the person that is being taken advatage of that they look stupid when they let people walk all over them like they do, but they never stand up for themselves. I myself, never want to be in that kind of situation where I feel obligated to do whatever someone tells me to, in order to feel needed. I wish all people could see how irrational they are being when the comply to people’s demanding requests, instead of standing up for what they believe in.

Another show that continuously pisses me off  is Sixteen and pregnant. Now there can be multiple reasons why I am not fond of this show, including that fact that I don’t like kids, I don’t want kids, I think most of the girls on the show are only pregnant to get their boyfriends to stay with them, I think the girls just think kids are always cute, they want attention from a TV show, and they are extremely uneducated about birth control. If I exclude all the reasons that have to do with personal gruges I have against children, then I am still left with the fact that most of these girls admit to an alteriar motive to getting pregnant. I find this one of the most ridiculous reasons as to why someone should have a baby. Not only does having a child put a strain on relationships that are having troubles, but it usually results in one of the parents losing all of their freedom as a teenager. There is no longer time to enjoy being a kid once there is a reponsibility to raise another child. Many teenagers on that show do not think about this before they do drastic things, like try to get pregnant. Another thing that makes me made about this show, is that fact that a lot of these girls seem to have no clue about birth control. In one episode of Sixteen and Pregnant, a girl tells her friend that there was no way she could have prevented being pregnant. When I heard a teenager say this during the twenty fisrt century, I almost hit myself. Birth Control has been around for centuries, and the oral contraceptive pill has been in production for fifty years now. I would expect that in such a day and age, teenage girls would be informed about the pill, but I was mistaken. I blame this ignorance on parents who are worried about teaching their children about such things because they think they are preventing them from having premarital sex that way. I’m sorry to break it to the parents out there who want their children to remain innocent until they get married, but 75% of girls engage in premarital sex by the time they are nineteen. This means that parents need to stop sheltering their children from sex education but instead, they need to be educating them in order to prevent them from having kids at such a young age.

I am tired of witnessing girls who think they are doing the right thing by getting married young, and having kids. This is not the only duty in life for women, and I am tired of the stereotype. I think that if people think they have truly found “the one”, then they should get married and not because they are expected to. I also believe that having kids should be a thought out process, and not a spur of the moment decision. Kids change everything in a family, and if people aren’t prepared for that responsibility, then they shouldn’t take it on. I am constantly reminded on a daily basis of why I never want to have kids, and I am continuously told that I will change my mind. Now, I understand that I am young and that is a big decision to make at such a young age, but I am almost 99% positive that I will never want kids. I see how poorly kids can behave, and the consequences of parents who aren’t commited to their child, and it is depressing. I think that both marriage and procreation are huge commitments that should be thought out. Both the movie and the show exploit these two tremendous achievments in life, and I can’t stand to watch such nonsense without wanting to slap all of those girls silly.

Memories of you are everywhere. They consume my mind and everything in it. They surround me where ever I go. Everything somehow connects back to you. I’m trapped in this guilt as if it were a prison cell. I want to set myself free and fly away. And yet, that isn’t an option. Your memories would still continue to haunt me. There is no way out of this on going nightmare, and now it seems like I’m stuck for eternity. The only thing that suppresses the guilt is the reason for it. I keep going to ask for more, not worried about the consequences or effects on others. I wish people could understand where I’m at. I am not at home living my care free life. Instead, I am sitting on the sidelines watching and waiting in fear, wishing you were still here.

Friendship is a strange concept, and there are rules as to what a good friend should and shouldn’t do. The rules are portrayed as either right or wrong with no gray areas. These rules are not good because there are many questionable things in a friendship. How do you know who is actually a friend? What defines a friend? There can’t be an answer because everyone acts different, and many friendships are based off of different circumstances. There are the jealousy friendships that consist of trying to one up each other without verbalizing that that is the goal. Then there are the friendships that occur because of mutual friends, which aren’t as close of friends to you as with other people. Then, there are friendships based off loneliness, where two people are without friends so they use that as the common ground of their friendship. Whats forgivable in a friendship? What is acceptable? Why would someone want to risk a seven year friendship for something so small? Is it because people feel like their friend will just forgive them? When you do something you know is wrong, and you keep going back for more does that make you a bad person? If you sing a song about killing all your friends so that you can party at their funeral, does that make you a bad friend? What’s the limit to friendship? When does it just end? When do people finally stop trying to entertain each other? What is the definition of a friend? Many people will never know what a true friend is, but a true friend will continue to forgive no matter what the situation may be.

The Zodiac killer was a serial killer during the sixties, whose identity is still unknown today. He caused terror throughout the state, because no one knew what he looked like or what he was capable of. The most mysterious qualities about the Zodiac, was that he would write letters to the local newspapers. These letters contained cryptograms, some of which still have yet to be solved. The Zodiac wrote demanding letters ordering that the letters be published on the front page of three popular newspapers, including The San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco Examiner, and The Vallejo Times-Herald.
In the first letter that the Zodiac sent he threatened to go on a shooting rampage and kill innocent people walking down the streets, if they didnt agree to publish his letters in their newspaper. The fact that the local newspapers complied with his demands, shows how much the public was afraid of this anonymous murderer. It was unknown when or if he was going to attack again, and terror was spread throughout the community. There were only five confirmed deaths and two people injured, although in the Zodiacs letters he claims to have killed thirty-seven people.  The reason that law enforcement was convinced that the real murderer was mailing them letters is that they contained details and information that were not released to the public. Also, in one case The Zodiac actually sent a piece of one of the victims shirts to them in the mail.

The Victims

The first known victims of The Zodiac were David Arthur Faraday and Betty Lou Jensen. It was December 20th, 1968, David was seventeen and Betty was sixteen.  They were going out on their first date together at lovers lane, just on the outskirts of Benicia. The couple was sitting in their car, when another vehicle pulled up beside them and a man got out. The man then walked over to the car and demanded them to get out at gun point. Betty got out of the car trying to escape, when David got shot in the back of the head. Betty started running as fast as she could, when the man started to chase her, and shot her five times in the back. Their bodies were discovered not even ten minutes later, and both victims were pronounced dead. There was not a lot of evidence left at the crime scene, not even significant tire tracks because the ground was frozen over at the time. There were also no witnesses to give a description of a possible suspect. It wasnt until almost a year later that the first letter was sent from The Zodiac, describing this crime scene in detail.

The second attack that was also described in the first letter from The Zodiac was the murder of Darlene Elizabeth Ferrin, and attempted murder of Michael Renault Mageau.  It was July 4th, 1969 and Darlene and Michael drove to a golf course parking lot in Vallejo, Ca. A car then drove up and parked beside them, and then immediately left. Ten minutes later, the same car came back except it parked directly behind Darlene and Michael’s vehicle.  A man then walked over to the passenger door with a flash light and gun, and shot into the car and walked away. Michael then let out a scream of pain, and the man came back and proceeded to shoot him two more times. An anonymous call was made to the local authorities from someone claiming to be the killer, and the same person who killed David and Betty.  The police traced the phone call, and discovered that the call was made from a phone booth not even a mile away from Darlene Ferrin’s home.  Michael survived the multiple gun shots, but Darlene was pronounced dead at the hospital.  Michael Mageau positively identified Arthur Leigh Allen as the shooter in a photo lineup, but not enough evidence was found to convict Arthur of any crimes.

On September 27th, 1969 Cecelia Ann Shepard and Calvin Hartwell were attacked at Lake Berryessa in Napa County, Ca.  The couple was enjoying a picnic on the shore of the lake, when a man dressed in a hooded mask approached them with a gun and told them he had just escaped from a mental institution. The man ordered Cecelia to tie up Calvin. The man doubled checked Cecelia’s tying job, and noticed that she loosely wrapped the rope around Calvin. That is when the man started stabbing both of the victims, and then walked up to their car and drew his Zodiac symbol on their car, as well as the dates of the other two murders. The police department received another phone call from the Zodiac admitting to the crime he had just committed, and when the police arrived at the pay phone the call was traced to, the man was nowhere to be found.  There was still a handprint mark left on the phone, but the prints never matched any suspects in the case. A couple days later Cecelia Shepard was pronounced dead, and Calvin Hartwell survived and gave a description to the police of the man that attacked him.

Reaction

Although the Zodiac Killer was never caught, timeless hours of dedication from multiple police departments were spent trying to decipher cryptograms, and find new leads. Northern California was scared for years, not knowing if he was ever going to make a comeback. The Zodiac still sent many letters to the newspaper editors, although many experts debate whether they were actually from the real Zodiac. The fact that people would pretend to be a serial killer in a letter in order to get attention, shows a lot about the human spirit. When times get bad, either people will lean towards the positive side and try to fix things, or they will try to steal the attention in a bad way. The positive people in this case would be the detectives and police officers who dedicated their time trying to hunt down this horrific murderer.  An example of the negative side of the human spirit, would be creating fake letters from the Zodiac in order to get attention.
People may still be terrified by the thought that the Zodiac might still be alive, but people realize they cant live their life being afraid of what could happen. There were many people accused of being the Zodiac, and many people were suspects. But, no matter what happens, the law enforcement tried their hardest to figure out who he was. There are still efforts out there today of people trying to figure out who he was. Websites are everywhere that tell the story of the Zodiac killer because he intrigues so many people. Not only is his story all over the internet, but it is published in many books, and it was even made into a movie. The public as a whole doesnt know whether they should be terrified of this creature, or fascinated. This is why the Zodiac killer is one of the most terrifying serial murderers to live.

    Each year, 11,000 women in the United States are diagnosed with cervical cancer, and each year 4,000 women die from it.

       Human papillomavirus, more commonly known as HPV, is the most common Sexually transmitted disease. Yet, only 40% of women have heard about it, and 20% of that know that HPV can lead to cervical cancer, despite the numerous commercials, and magazine and internet ads. There are more than 100 stands of the virus, 15 of which are cancer causing. In most cases HPV shows no symptoms, and clears up on it’s own, but in others it can cause genital warts, in both men and women, as well as cancers of the cervix, vagina, vulva, labia, penis, and anus.  HPV is the cause for all genital warts, and 99% of all cervical cancer cases. 8/10 people will be infected with HPV at some point in their lifetime. This means that out of the 38 people in this room, 31 of you will get HPV in their lifetime.

      Cervical cancer starts out as abnormal calls on the cervix, and can turn into cancerous tumors that can spread. HPV has a characteristic that can make cervical cancer tests come back falsely negative, and it is suggested for women to ask for cervical exams, to check for abnormal cells. This is because in many cases the cancer is found too late, and has already spread. In most cases, this leads to hysterectomy, the removal of the ovaries, uterus, or cervix. As I was reading cervical cancer survivor stories, I noticed that almost all of them started with, “ I didn’t think this could happen to me.” The thought of them being diagnosed with cervical cancer made them feel dirty and alone, because they weren’t aware of the prevalence of it.

      Although men don’t have a cervix, they are still susceptible to contracting HPV. Men still have to worry about genital warts and cancer. In fact, men have to be more aware of any  visable symptoms,  because there is no way to test a man for HPV.

      The danger that this causes, is that a man could have a cancer causing strand of HPV, and unknowing, pass it on to many females.

       Because  of this, many survivors of HPV and cervical cancer are trying to spread awareness around the world. Some facts that everyday people might not know about HPV, are that condoms cannot fully protect people against the virus, because it is caused by skin to skin contact, and condoms don’t cover everything. Also, everyday, 30 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer, and many women that are diagnosed with cervical cancer, were most likely exposed to it in their late teens, and early twenties. This is why many of the survivors are trying to convince girls to get the vaccine at such a young age.

         Recently, there have been ads everywhere trying to convince girls to get vaccinated.

         The vaccine protects against the four major types of HPV that cause more than 70% of cervical cancer.  This vaccine, Gardasil, is recommended for girls as young as nine years old.  There is also a vaccine recommended for women ages 13-26.  Because the vaccine is relatively new, many people are hesitant to get it because any long term effects are unknown, as well as any dangerous short term effects.  But the side effects of Gardasil are practically identical to those vaccines required to attend public schools, like the chicken pox shot, and some of these other vaccines have even more drastic effects than Gardisil.

           Among those that are aware of HPV, controversies over the vaccine have been deliberated.  Those who oppose the HPV vaccine are divided into two groups: those who oppose it for medical reasons, and those who oppose it for moral reasons. 

          As of August 2009, there have been 32 unconfirmed deaths due to the vaccine, and research shows that it causes a higher incidence of blood clots than other vaccines. Some doctors say it is best to go ahead and vaccinate children as early as possible, but other doctors and scientists say its best to wait, as there was a rush to manufacture the vaccine, and we have yet to learn about potential harmful side effects. That concludes the medical opposition.

      People doubt the effectiveness of this vaccine, since it doesn’t guard against all strains of HPV. Some states are requiring female students to get the vaccine before entering middle school, which is causing controversy as parents don’t like the idea of their 6th graders being vaccinated against STDs, and most insurance companies don’t cover the high cost of the vaccine in their plans.

         Also some people think its good to have the vaccine available but they don’t want it to be mandatory.  If the vaccine cost was lower, or if it was covered in insurance plans, perhaps more people will be willing to be vaccinated.

        On a different note, some people are against vaccinating their children because they believe it will encourage promiscuity, and give them a false sense of protection. Some parents are enraged at the thought of vaccinating young 10 & 12 year olds against STDs.  One doctor said:”If parents could tell me exactly six months before their daughters become sexually active, then we can vaccinate them then and it would be effective.” Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.  

         There has recently been some discussion of giving the vaccine to young men, since they can be carriers of HPV without showing any symptoms.  There is no way to test males to find whether or not they have HPV, and HPV can cause cancer in males as well, though it has caused exceedingly less cases than in females.  Doctors do not know any long term side effects that could be caused by vaccinating males.  In the UK, the vaccination is licensed for boys 9-15, and many other countries are trying to license it as well.  Some people feel that because HPV has deadly effects in women, they should have first priority.  Research has also show that vaccinating males will be more costly that vaccinating females.  But males carrying the virus are endangering the lives of females.                        

            This is why it is important to always be safe, even though condoms are not 100% effective against preventing HPV, doesn’t mean they should not be worn. Also, women who are sexually active, should schedule a regular pap smear to be sure they don’t have the virus, or any abnormal cells. Lastly, if the Gardasil shot is available to you, and you and your parents both decide it’s a good idea, then this may also help prevent you from contracting HPV. This talk was not intended encourage getting vaccinated for HPV, though I’m not discouraging it either.  Instead, this talk is meant to make more people aware of Human Papillomavirus, because the 40% of people that know it exists should be 100%.

Freedom, it’s so close. Just a couple months more of high school and it’s off into the big world. No parents asking you where you are going every time you leave. No more having to worry about your parents finding out you little secrets. No, instead there will be the worries about whether or not it is smart to talk to the friendly guy at the coffee shop, that kind of gives you the creeps. Wondering if going out with friends, the night before finals is the smartest thing to do. The thought of going and being on your own is so exciting and scary at the same time. New people, places, things to do, endless possibilities. The future is starting to take shape, instead of just having to wonder what the next day is going to be like on the playground.

As a kid, I never imagined having so much freedom, that is coming in the near future. I could have never even guessed that I would be getting my masters degree in sexology. And, I could never have imagined myself wanting to move to a big city.

The many emotions I feel about the future are overwhelming. How am I going to make enough money? Where am I going to live? Who am I going to meet? It’s a clean slate. Now instead of everyone knowing every detail of my life, I can start off fresh. But, what if I loose the friends I have? I’ve known most of them since middle school. These people consist of most of my fond memories of my life so far. Every time I think of not talking to them everyday, I get sad.

I can’t even think about college with out feeling excited, happy, free, nervous, sad, overwhelmed, and grown all at the same time. Thinking about it now, I am going to miss being this age. It’s so carefree being a teenager, but I am excited to see what the future brings.

Promises, everybody makes them, and everybody breaks them. What is the meaning of a promise? Are they used for extra emphasis on trust? People make promises all the time on all different types of topics. Whether someone is promising not to tell their best friend’s secret, or if someone is promising to love and be faithful to their partner until death do them part. Promises are everywhere, but they don’t mean anything until the promise is proven. They just give people false hope, and get people excited for no reason. Promises mean nothing, and never will until people are all perfect, which will never happen. When people are promised something, there is always a doubt in the back of their mind saying that the worst is going to happen, but they don’t like to believe it. How many broken promises does it take for someone to not be trusted anymore? And when are people too devoted? Then there are the people that constantly promise things and never let anyone down. They start to look desperate, or creepy. Humans are interesting creatures, they have to be committed to by someone, but not too much or else they feel smothered. But, for all the other people in this world, promises are just words that can’t be kept.

There is a dark room, I can hear Rose’s voice. She is calling for me, she is asking desperately for help. I can tell she’s scared and confused. I can see her now, sitting in her wheel chair. She has gray curly hair and big glasses that she’s worn ever since I can remember.

I’ve never seen her look so worried in my life, she is usually busy trying to remember details of her life. She starts to scream and cry even louder now, “Chantel, help! I’m lost, I don’t know where I am, or where to go! I’m lost Chantel, help me!” Rose starts to spin, she is now floating and turning around in the air, almost as if she were on a rotating pedestal. Doors are violently opening and closing, letting glimpses of light into  the dark room. All I can do is watch her with worry, I can’t do anything to help her. She starts to spiral down, and heads toward a quarter sized spot of light that seems to be sucking her down. She’s getting pulled further and further away slowly shrinking in size. Then there is a flash of light, and Rose is gone.

I wake up screaming and crying, and my stepmom comes running in to my room to see what happened. She tells me that it was just a dream, and I start to calm down. It is ten o’clock at night, and my stepmom lights candles and lays down with me to relax me, while I fall back asleep.

I wake up the next morning to a phone call from my mom. She sounds upset, and not sure of what to say. This is when she tells me that my great grandma Rose had passed away at ten o’clock that night.

As summer is coming closer, I find myself thinking about the fun activities that will be occurring within the next few months. One of the most exciting events that is going to happen this summer is the long awaited No Doubt tour.

Growing up in my house, it was a common thing to hear the ska/alternative styles of No Doubt. Their music has influenced my life and many others in tremendous ways. Most of No Doubt’s lyrics have deep emotion and experiences in them which many people can relate to. Some songs in particular include: Just a Girl, Happy Now, Simple Kind of Life, and Bathwater. These songs demonstrate the ups and downs that are common to have in life in general, and they show people that they are not alone in their experiences. No Doubt also has great upbeat songs that instantly put me into a good mood the minute I hear them.

That is why I was ecstatic when I heard that No Doubt would be touring together this summer after a four year long break. I have not yet been to one of their concerts because I was too young to go see them when they were on their last tour, and had to settle on watching their concerts on dvd. As the date of the concert nears, and I see them on television shows like American Idol and Ellen, the excitement just builds. I find myself listening to them constantly, picking out the outfit I am going to wear to the concert, and trying to decide which songs they will play. If I could choose any song for them to play, it would be Happy Now. It is one of my favorite songs by them because I can relate exactly to it. It is also about the relationship between Gwen Stefani (singer) and Tony Kanal (bass guitarist) and how she wonders if he is happy now, now that he is all by himself because he broke up with her. It is a very mean song towards Tony, but he still encouraged her to write her feeling about their break up in a song.

This is why No Doubt is one of my favorite bands, because they stick together and make amazing music. I know the concert is going to be fantastic, and know I am going to be dancing they whole time. It might be one of the best concerts I will ever go to, and that is why I can’t wait for summer.